You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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