I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
