This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
