fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
