I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
