Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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