Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
