I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
