it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
