He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
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