He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
