My balls are so social today.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Randomize
