I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
