Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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