Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
