eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
