you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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