Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I need to sanitize my soul.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
