Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
should my penis look like a turkey
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
