He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
