My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
