Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
