it was like eating out sand paper
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
