After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
