Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
