pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
