She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
