Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
