...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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