she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I booty called her while she was in labor.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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