I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
