Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
