I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
