I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
