ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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