i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
