jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
is it fun? or sober?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
