I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
