her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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