I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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