I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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