I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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