I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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