I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
