You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Say something about gay babies.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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