I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Be still, my beating vagina.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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