i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
