I wish I only lived at night.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
