I could have mohawked her pubes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Pooping to opera.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
