there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I'm having to shit out rocks
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
