The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
