Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
