On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
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