Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
