He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
