sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
