Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
