I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
